Originally published as a LinkedIn article by Nemash Patel. Read the original here.
At a glance
- Ben West was 17 when his brother Sam died by suicide in 2018
- His project Reasons to Stay has delivered over three million anonymous letters of support to people in crisis, across 160 countries
- Men are still three times more likely than women to die by suicide in the UK, and it's the leading cause of death for men under 35
He Was 17 When His Brother Died. Here's What He Did With It.
A name showed up in my Instagram feed over a year ago. Ben West. I had no idea who he was. I stopped scrolling anyway.
He was 17 in 2018 when his younger brother Sam took his own life. Sam was 15.
My eldest was 17 that same age. My younger one was 16. I read that line and couldn't move on from it.
Eight months after Sam died, Ben started building something that would eventually stop the rest of the world from scrolling too.
What one person decided to do with grief
Most of us go inward when we lose someone. We survive it. We cope. Some of us find a way through, eventually.
Ben went the other way. Within months of Sam's death, he organised a 10-day walk around Kent to raise awareness of mental health. He was still 17, still in the middle of the worst thing that had ever happened to him.
The next year, still a teenager, he launched a petition calling for mental health first aid to be compulsory training for every teacher in the country. Over 300,000 people signed it. He walked it to Downing Street and handed it to the Prime Minister himself.
He was 18.
In 2022 he published his first book, This Book Could Save Your Life, with HarperCollins. In 2024 he hosted a documentary series for BBC One. In September 2025, mental health training was written into the Initial Teacher Training framework for the first time, something he'd been pushing for quietly, long before anyone was paying attention.
A 17-year-old lost his brother and decided, in the middle of that grief, he wasn't going to just sit with it.
Then in January 2026 he built Reasons to Stay.
The letters that stopped the world scrolling
Image here - Letters that stopped the world scrolling
The idea sounds almost too simple to work.
A website where anyone can write a letter to a complete stranger in crisis. The letters are anonymous. You don't search for one, or call a number, or explain yourself to anyone. You visit the site and a letter finds you, written by a real person who sat down and decided to say something kind to someone they'll never meet.
Within four weeks of launching, a million letters had gone out in 28 languages, across 160 countries. By the time Ben ran the London Marathon in April 2026, that number had passed three million. He carried a flag with 5,341 names on it, every one a person lost to suicide.
Image here - Ben West - Reason to Stay flag
81% of visitors say they felt better after reading a letter.
He cries a lot when he talks about it. Talking about Sam, talking about another milestone. He jokes about it himself, the man always crying on his phone screen.
That might be the thing I respect most.
Most men never cry in front of another person in their adult lives. Ben does it in front of a million.
Why this isn't a small problem
Over 4,200 men died by suicide in England in 2024, about three quarters of everyone registered that year. Men are still roughly three times more likely than women to die this way, a gap that's barely shifted in thirty years. Suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 35 in this country.
Every one of those numbers is a family finding out the way Ben's did.
Why we don't talk
I hear the same thing sitting across from guests on The Dad Project, week after week. A man who looks completely fine, who's smashing it by every visible measure, admitting he cries in the shower because it's the only place no one can see him. A man who ran a business, raised his kids, showed up for everyone else, and never once said out loud that he was struggling.
It's not that these men don't feel it. It's that most of us grew up being rewarded for not showing it, and every one of those quiet lessons taught a boy his feelings were something to manage on his own, not something to bring to someone else.
Silence doesn't mean someone's fine. Usually it means the opposite, the same tension still sitting there with nowhere to go.
What Ben's story actually taught me
Naroop and I talk about turning pain into purpose more than most founders would admit to. It's an easy thing to say. It's a genuinely hard thing to live, day after day, when the grief hasn't moved and the work is slow and nobody's watching yet.
Ben didn't wait to feel ready. He didn't wait for permission. At 17, in the middle of the worst thing that had ever happened to him, he chose to do something.
I don't know if I'd have had that in me at his age. I'm still not sure I have it now, most days.
What I've noticed helps
I've had enough of these conversations now to notice a pattern in what actually works when someone's struggling. It's rarely the perfect thing said at the perfect moment. It's the direct question instead of the vague one, the person who raises it first instead of waiting to be told, the one who checks back in a few days later instead of assuming one conversation did the job. None of it fixes anything on its own. It just makes the next honest sentence slightly easier to say.
Key takeaways
- Ben West was 17 when his brother Sam died by suicide in 2018. He built awareness campaigns rather than withdrawing.
- His 2019 petition for compulsory mental health training in schools gathered over 300,000 signatures and reached Downing Street.
- Reasons to Stay, launched January 2026, has sent over three million anonymous letters of support to people in crisis across 160 countries.
- Men remain far less likely to talk about mental health struggles before they escalate, usually down to stigma rather than a lack of feeling.
"Most men never cry in front of another person in their adult lives. Ben does it in front of a million."
Frequently asked questions
Who is Ben West?
Ben West is a mental health campaigner from Kent who founded Reasons to Stay after his younger brother Sam died by suicide in 2018. He's the author of This Book Could Save Your Life and hosted a BBC One documentary series in 2024.
What is Reasons to Stay?
Reasons to Stay is a website Ben West launched in January 2026 that sends anonymous letters of encouragement to people in crisis. It delivered over a million letters in its first month, across 28 languages.
Why do men struggle to talk about their feelings?
Most men never see another man do it, so there's no model for how. Add the fear of looking weak, and silence becomes the default rather than a choice.
How can men improve their mental health?
Talking before it reaches crisis point makes the biggest difference, whether that's a friend, a GP, a helpline, or a community like The Dad Project. Regular small check-ins matter more than one big conversation.
What are the warning signs someone might be struggling?
Withdrawing, changes in sleep or drinking, uncharacteristic irritability, talk of being a burden, or a sudden calm after visible distress. If in doubt, ask directly.
We reached out to Ben about coming on the podcast. He said yes. Life got in the way for both of us and it hasn't happened yet. I hope it does.
My eldest is at university now. Not far off the age Ben was when he stood outside Downing Street with a petition in his hand. Sam never got the chance to reach it.
I don't know what I'd do in Ben's place. I hope I never have to find out.
If you don't know his work, go and find it: reasonstostay.org, or follow him on Instagram and LinkedIn.
If you're struggling right now, Samaritans are free to call, any time, on 116 123.
