Shame, Addiction and the Brave Space Men Need to Heal
The poet and therapist who says shame cannot survive being witnessed
Jacky first crossed paths with The Dad Project before it had a name, reciting a poem about addiction from behind a camera lens that host Naroop Jhooti happened to be standing behind. That mix of poet and therapist has stayed with her ever since.
She works as a therapist specialising in addiction and men's mental health, and writes poetry as what she calls a grown up code, a way of sharing an experience without feeling exposed by it. Four of her poems have been picked up by BBC Radio, including one written for Father's Day.
In this conversation she explains why toxic shame convinces people they are worthless, and why the antidote is not advice but witnessing. As she puts it, "shame doesn't survive when we start to bring it out and to share it, because shame is all about isolation."
She draws on her own twenty plus year marriage, her clinical work with addiction, and her writing practice to make the case that men need a brave space rather than a safe one, somewhere they can say "I don't know" without it costing them anything.
Quotes
"Shame doesn't survive when we start to bring it out and to share it because shame is all about isolation and encouraging isolation."
This Episode Is About
Naroop sits down with therapist and poet Jacky to talk about shame, addiction and what it actually takes for men to open up. Jacky explains the difference between a safe space and a brave space, why fixing or reflecting back someone's pain can feel like judgment, and how simply repeating someone's words back to them lets shame lose its grip.
The conversation moves through the window of tolerance, the emotional bucket men run dry without noticing, and why families of people with addiction face such an impossible bind between rescuing and stepping back. It closes on legacy, adolescent boys growing up online, and Jacky's own guiding line, to encourage people to be the youest you.
Who This Episode Is For
Men who get angry instead of asking to be closer
Partners waiting on a hard conversation
Anyone supporting someone through addiction
Men who insist they had a great childhood
Fathers raising boys in the social media era
Men who only have three words for how they feel
What You'll Takeaway
Shame loses power once it's spoken and witnessed
Repeating someone's words back beats fixing them
A brave space means being allowed to say I don't know
Anger in men is often a bid for closeness
Everyone has a window of tolerance worth widening
Addiction is a solution to pain that stopped working
You can't pour from an empty emotional bucket
