Grief After Retirement, Paul Sampson On Losing His Dad Twice
A former England winger who broke down on his sofa in tears the day he realised retirement felt like losing his dad all over again
Paul Sampson spent seventeen years playing professional rugby, capped for England before he turned twenty one, and still holds the record as London Welsh's all time top try scorer. His father died six years before Sampson ever hung up his boots, and it was only when retirement came that the grief truly landed.
One Monday morning, part way through what would have been a normal preseason, Sampson found himself in tears on his sofa with no idea why. "The feelings and the emotions I was experiencing, it felt like my dad had actually died again," he tells The Dad Project's Naroop Jhooti. His then wife gave him an ultimatum, seek help or risk the marriage, and therapy became the start of a different life. Fourteen operations, a divorce, a spell of financial hardship that saw him sleeping in his car to afford the petrol for a coaching job, and a return to education at Roehampton University followed.
Sampson trained as a psychotherapist and now works from a practice on Harley Street, using what rugby and everything after it taught him about identity, attachment, and the stories men tell themselves about what they're allowed to feel.
Quotes
"The most dangerous place I've ever felt is the relief, and the overwhelming sense of relief that actually I can get out of this and check out of life."
This Episode Is About
Former England winger Paul Sampson talks about grief after retirement, the day he broke down on his sofa without knowing why, and the realisation that giving up rugby felt like losing his dad all over again.
He walks through fourteen operations, a divorce, sleeping in his car to afford petrol for a coaching job, and the ultimatum that sent him into therapy.
The conversation turns to fatherhood, co-parenting after separation, and why he chose to retrain as a psychotherapist in his forties, starting his master's with eighty pounds in his account.
Who This Episode Is For
- Men navigating retirement or a major identity change
- Men who lost a parent and buried the grief in work
- Fathers going through divorce or co-parenting
- Men who struggle to say they need help
- Men rebuilding their finances or career later in life
What You'll Takeaway
- Retirement can reopen old grief
- Relief at dark thoughts is a warning sign
- Therapy works when you're ready for it
- Money isn't the whole measure of fathering
- Kids rarely feel your disappointment like you do
- Help means choosing who you trust
- Old identities can keep you stuck
