I Don't Recognise the Woman I Used to Be
A dietitian who lost her identity in divorce, then found it again at the squat rack
Reshma Patel got married in her early twenties and spent most of her adult life known as someone's daughter or someone's wife, rarely her own name. She built a career as a dietitian alongside that, but it wasn't until her marriage ended in her mid-thirties, during lockdown, with both fathers in the family critically unwell at the same time, that she had to work out who she actually was.
She had never paid a bill or held her own credit rating. She had to learn how to buy a home, insure a car, and raise two children while rebuilding an identity from nothing. Patel now works mostly with high-functioning senior executives, many of whom she describes as high-functioning alcoholics running on caffeine, rich meals, and no downtime.
She says her clients want direction more than comfort. "Just tell me what to do and I will do it," is how she puts it, and that simplicity is what makes food the easiest part of her job and their mental health the hardest. She and her ex-husband still co-parent their two children as friends, debriefing on a walk around the block most mornings.
Quotes
"Your whole life gets shattered. It's on you to reinvent yourself into the person you want to be. And you get that chance."
This Episode Is About
This episode is about what happens when a marriage that looked perfect from the outside quietly wasn't, and what it takes to become someone new once it ends.
Dietitian Reshma Patel talks about losing her sense of self inside a marriage where she was always someone's daughter or someone's wife, and having to learn the basics of adult life for the first time in her thirties, during lockdown, while both fathers in the family were seriously unwell.
The conversation moves from there into her work with high-functioning male executives, men she describes as functioning alcoholics running on exhaustion and caffeine, and how food, sleep, and movement have become her way of reaching men who won't otherwise talk about what they're carrying.
Who This Episode Is For
- Men going through divorce or separation
- Men who feel they've lost themselves inside a relationship
- High-achieving men running on stress with no real downtime
- Anyone trying to co-parent without losing themselves in the process
- Partners trying to understand a man who won't open up
What You'll Takeaway
- Men treat food plans as instructions, not comfort
- Divorce can strip away an identity built around being someone's wife
- Executives often drink daily without noticing it's a problem
- Co-parenting works better when logistics and emotion stay separate
- Reinventing yourself after grief is easier with proper support
