Raj Sahins on Becoming a Single Father of Colour After Divorce
He lost himself for a year before his friends told him they wanted "Raj" back
Raj Sahins spent over twenty years married before it ended, becoming a single father to two daughters, then aged three and six, and losing himself so completely in the first year that his friends started telling him they missed the version of him from before.
Three years on, he and his ex-wife have held to an early pact never to involve their daughters in any disagreement, and as he tells Naroop Jhooti on The Dad Project, "for the first sort of year I just didn't know how, there was no self love."
Quotes
"I'm generally like a lively, bubbly person, and even though I was going through a hard time, I didn't really show that on the outside."
This Episode Is About
Raj Sahins sits down with Naroop Jhooti to talk about becoming a single father of colour after a marriage of more than twenty years ended.
He walks through the first three months, the ones he says most men slip up in, when the instinct to reach for alcohol or shut down completely is strongest, and the slower, harder work of rebuilding a routine, a home, and a version of himself his own daughters would recognise as loving.
The conversation turns on the moment two life coaches told him, bluntly, that all the business success in the world meant nothing next to his daughter's need for his love, and on what it cost him, financially and otherwise, to put that first.
Who This Episode Is For
- Single fathers in their first year after separation
- Men of colour facing stigma around divorce
- Anyone rebuilding routine after a long relationship ends
- Fathers co-parenting without involving their kids in conflict
- Men told that asking for help isn't what men do
What You'll Takeaway
- Losing yourself in the logistics of divorce is common
- Keep the divorce and the kids completely separate
- Success means nothing to a child next to your attention
- Good co-parenting takes ongoing, conscious effort
- Family, not isolation, makes single fatherhood work
