Single Dad Grief, Arun Setty on Loss and Rebuilding
He lost both parents, then his marriage, then found his footing at a hospital bedside and a church coffee morning
Arun Setty became a single dad in 2019, the same year he lost both his parents. His ex waited until his father had died before filing for divorce, not wanting to upset him while he was still alive. Within months Arun had buried his mother and father, watched his marriage end, and found himself largely cut off from a wider family he had once been close to.
He stepped back from his career as an accountant to be with his son full time, homeschooling him through 21 weeks of lockdown and rebuilding the kind of daily routine, school runs, bike rides, weekends away, that his old working life had never allowed. "My son is probably the only person really who genuinely cares about me," he says, describing the isolation of those early years.
Out of that loss came a second thread to his life. Arun trained as a bereavement volunteer with Cruse, the UK's national bereavement charity, and was later nominated for Best Volunteer in Hertfordshire. He now works as an NHS response volunteer at his local hospital in Stevenage and helps run a weekly coffee morning for older people.
Quotes
"My son is probably the only person really who genuinely cares about me"
"I've come out of my situation much stronger and learned to love myself and appreciate myself and be more confident than I was before"
This Episode Is About
This episode looks at single dad grief through Arun Setty's story, a man who lost both his parents and his marriage inside the same year.
Arun talks to The Dad Project about the isolation that followed, the coping mechanisms he leaned on when his son wasn't with him, and how he channelled his own grief into volunteering, first for the bereavement charity Cruse, then for the NHS.
The conversation turns on a question most men don't ask out loud, who actually cares about me now, and how Arun found his own answer through service, friendship, and a stubborn refusal to give up on himself.
Who This Episode Is For
Men grieving and divorcing at the same time
Single fathers of colour facing assumptions about commitment
Men who process loss through volunteering
Fathers doing less time, wondering if it's still enough
Anyone alone in a quiet house, unsure how to fill it
What You'll Takeaway
Loss and divorce can hit the same year
Alone time is where you rebuild
Grief can become service through volunteering
Single parents can give more, not less
Stigma around single dads of colour is fading
A small circle lightens what you can't carry alone
Confidence comes from having no choice but to rebuild
