Kiran Fought Two Years for 50/50 Custody
Two and a half years fighting for equal custody, then learning to fight for himself too
Kiran Dhilan became a single dad three years ago when he and his ex-wife separated. His son Dylan, autistic and diagnosed at three, was the priority from day one. Kiran spent two and a half years negotiating for full 50/50 custody, right up to the edge of court.
The custody fight wasn't the hardest part. Within weeks of the separation, while juggling a demanding job and selling a house, it caught up with him. He nearly broke down in a work meeting, then pulled his car over on the way to work and called his doctor. Counselling followed, and it changed him. As he said on The Dad Project, "I need to be the best version of myself before I can help my son. I need to be happy. I need to be selfish. I need to take care of myself."
Kiran now shares full care of Dylan, works as a senior manager, and is studying for further qualifications.
Quotes
"I need to be the best version of myself before I can help my son. I need to be happy. I need to be selfish. I need to take care of myself."
"Tomorrow is a new day, so no matter how bad today might be, get up tomorrow and start fresh."
This Episode Is About
Kiran Dhilan talks about the two and a half year fight for 50/50 custody of his son Dylan, who is autistic, and what it cost him to get there.
He speaks openly about the director's meeting he nearly broke down in, the drive to work where he pulled over and called his doctor, and the counselling that followed.
The conversation moves from the mechanics of splitting a household and a routine down the middle, to the harder work of learning to talk about what he was feeling after fifteen years of holding it in.
Who This Episode Is For
Asking for your own child shouldn't feel like asking for a favour
Routine matters most when everything else is falling apart
More can feel like more, even from a child's eyes
Talking to a doctor is not a weakness
Look after yourself before you can look after your son
Held-in feelings show up somewhere eventually
Think about what the other side stands to lose
What You'll Takeaway
Vulnerability with your kids is not weakness
Peace between parents beats being right
Unaddressed pain only gets heavier
Trust does more than control ever will
Honesty connects more than image does
